The Problems with Delusions
by truevindication
Summary: *UPDATE: Ziva is conflicted with lying to Tony.* Tony, accident, head injury, amnesia and Ziva as his wife. Oh wait... TIVA! Better than summary, I promise.
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Problems with DelusionsPairing: Tiva (romance), McGee/Tony (bromance), Tony/Gibbs (father/son)Rating: KSummary: Poor Tony is always getting hurt, this time, he wakes up, thinking he has a wife…

Tony opened his eyes cautiously, already fully aware of the throbbing headache pounding away behind his eyes. Even the soft lights of the hospital room hurt his eyes. He tried to lift his head and look around but that only made him nauseous. He groaned softly.

"Hey," he heard a familiar voice, granted softer than he was used to, "DiNozzo, look at me."

"Boss?" The first thing he noticed was silver hair and bright blue eyes, worry slowly fading from them. "What happened?"

"What else?" Gibbs granted him a rare chuckle, "you landed yourself in the hospital again."

"Again?" He shut his eyes, frustrated. "Now what?" Before Gibbs could reply the doctor walked in with a large grin.

"Welcome back, Agent DiNozzo!"

"Hey hey, Dr. Pitt, you again?"

"We've been through the plague and back together, Tony!" He extended his hand and Tony slowly rose his own to shake it. "How are you feeling?"

"Good," was Tony's automatic reply.

"DiNozzo," his boss scolded, knowing Tony had to be honest with the doctor, for once, to be properly taken care of.

"Ok, so my head hurts a bit. How long was I out?"

"About nineteen hours, give or take. You had a bad concussion, I'm surprised the medication alone didn't keep you out longer." Dr. Pitt looked down at Tony's chart and laughed softly. "We're going to have to get you a new file, this one reads like a Agent To-Don't guide." Tony managed a feeble laugh. "Can I get you anything? You must be thirsty, you were nearly dehydrated, we've had you on an IV for a few hours already."

"That sounds great," he generously took a cup of water from Gibbs, always one step ahead. "I guess I'm not going to be getting out of here anytime soon, am I doc?"

"Why would you say that?"

"Well because the past three times I've been here it's been at least three days, I'm not going to kid myself, you guys must love me here if you always want to keep me here that much." And there it was, a few minutes out of an assumed coma and the DiNozzo 1,000-watt smile was back.

I'd like to keep you here for some observation, make sure the swelling in that thick skull of yours has gone down-" Gibbs smiled at the doctor's words, "but other than that, you should be out of here by noon."

Tony smiled, relieved for good news.

"I'll call the others and let them know you're okay." Gibbs was about to step out of the room before Tony stopped him.

"Hey, Boss, if I can't get out of here sooner, can you do me a favor?" Gibbs just stared and waited for a second. "Could you call my wife? I don't want her to worry."

Gibbs raised his eyebrows, nearly dropping his phone.

Waiting in the common area Gibbs stood straight as a beam as his team filtered in. Hospital staff was familiar with his team and gave them no trouble as they breezed by, outside of visiting hours.

"Oh my god, Gibbs, is Tony ok??" Abby ran up to the older man and through his arms around his neck. "I mean, clearly he's okay since he's awake and all, luckily he wasn't out for too long, but there's still so much that could go wrong with his brain, and his memory and-"

"He's fine Abs." Gibbs cut her off curtly, biting the inside of his cheek as she mentioned memory.

"Can we go in and see him? Does he know what happened?" McGee was the next to take half a step forward.

Ziva stood quietly in the back of the group, staring at the floor. "Yes, did you tell him what happened? What… what I did?"

Gibbs stepped forward, standing right in front of her, the amusement he was holding in seconds before completely vanished. "No, I didn't. Look at me, Ziva." She complied. "It wasn't your fault. The room was cleared by Tony himself when you first entered, there was no way to know someone else was with you in that house." She nodded shortly and regained her composure. "But," he said a little louder, "we do have a new problem to deal with."

"What's the matter Jethro, I thought the doctor had said he was okay?" Ducky had worry in his eyes, glancing back and forth from Tony's closed door to his old friend's face.

"Tony…" Gibbs was trying to find a way to phrase what Tony had just explained to him while waiting for the team to arrive. "Tony thinks he's married."

The group stared at their boss, looking back and forth at each other. All of a sudden they all erupted into laughter.

"Tony? Tony DiNozzo thinks he's married? Since when!" McGee almost doubled over laughing, Abby leaning on him for support.

"Oh, Jethro, this should definitely be interesting," even Ducky couldn't hold back chuckles.

"Well," Palmer spoke up, in between laughs, "couldn't get any weirder than that!"

"Oh, it definitely will." Gibbs cleared his throat, slightly uncomfortable as Dr. Pitt approached.

"Nice to see you all again," he nodded to the group, noting their subsiding laughs, "I can see Agent Gibbs has told you all of DiNozzo's…"

"Loss of reality?" McGee offered, the bunch giggled but were silent as Gibbs glared.

"Well. Yes. It seems that there was some slight brain damage from swelling and small amounts of bleeding in the base of his skull. Basically, he really believes that he is married. He has you all worked into his version of reality. Hell, he was just telling me about what it felt like to stand at the altar, watching his bride walk towards him."

"But wait," Abby slightly interrupted, "who does he think he's married to? Surely he remembers everything Jeanne, right?" She received odd stares, "What?? She's the only one we've seen him fall for… ever!" They nodded slightly in agreement.

"You didn't tell them?" Dr. Pitt shook his head and took a step back. "I'll give you all a second, but I've already told Agent Gibbs how to handle all of this, so hopefully you all can heed my warning." They looked at him patiently, giggles finally gone. "Tony's mind is a fragile thing right now. This fantasy he's created, it is his reality. I would suggest you all just kind of go with it until his memory comes back. We've seen no permanent damage, so I do expect him to make a full recovery, but until he gets his memory back, I would recommend not ruining what he knows to be real right now. Can everyone do that?" They looked at each other with raised eyebrows and half cocked smiles. Nodding his approval Dr. Pitt smiled brightly and walked back to the nurses' station.

"So, Boss, who is it??" McGee was anxious to see who of the slew of scantily clad 20-somethings they would have to pull into the office to play Tony's wife. "Anyone we know or can remember without a playbook?

Gibbs eyes settled softly, amused. "Oh, yeah." Slowly Ziva met his eyes. "It's you."

**A/N: After reading probably about 50-60ish chapters worth of Tony in pain stories, this came to me. I actually read a Star Trek fanfic with this light premise YEARS ago (I'm talkin' 1998 here, people! …and I'm only 21, jeez that's so long ago) so I changed it up a bit and ran with it. Please let me know what you think, there were SO many plot bunnies for this story, but this one beat the other ones to death with a stick so I went in this direction. ****J**


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Mr. and Mrs. DiNozzoRating: KDisclaimer: own nothing. The end!Summary: Ziva tires to adapt to being Tony's wife, but when he goes home he notices something amiss and jumps to conclusions.**

The team stood in shock for what seemed like half an hour, minds racing with theories and speculation. Tony thinks he and Ziva are married. Not just dating, but _married_. And they all had to go along with it until he could remember the truth in his own time. This was too weird to be true. Abby broke the silence first.

"Gibbs, is it really a good idea to go along with this? I mean, what happens if he wakes up one morning, and remembers and gets mad at us for lying to him!"

"Believe it or not, my dear, this is the best way to handle it." Ducky cleared his throat and took a few steps around the waiting room, digesting the information. "His psyche is so delicate right now, which means so is his reality. Trying to convince him otherwise right now would not only cause emotional distress but also could trigger a psychotic breakdown." They murmured in agreement, understanding the layman's explanation.

Ziva shook her head. "You cannot be serious about this." Ziva's eyes were wide in both amusement and agitation. "You want me to pretend to be married to him? Just like that?"

"Well it's not like you haven't before…" McGee's words trailed off, obviously regretting speaking up.

"But that was for an assignment! This is our real lives!"

"Ziver, calm down," Gibbs walked over and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Now, _this _is your assignment. It may be the only way to let Tony regain his memory. What else do you want me to do? Keep him sedated? He's already upset that you weren't here when he woke." Gibbs shook his head, frustrated as well. "Listen, I know it might be a little weird, but it's Tony, and it's you. Not some made-up cover story that you have to play. Just be yourself and make it up with him as you go along."

Ziva thought for a few moments. It was not that the idea was ridiculous as a mission, but Gibbs just said it himself: They would not be assassins undercover, they would be themselves. How hard could it be? Slowly she nodded. "Okay. But if he tries anything-"

"Calm down, take a breath, he's already been warned that he needs to keep any… excitement… to a minimum because of his weakened body state."

McGee, Palmer and Abby all giggled.

"One word and I will kill you all. Slowly." Ziva walked away towards the vending machine to collect herself, leaving the rest to enter the room before her.

The team decided it best to quickly visit with Tony and then leave to give him and his _wife_ time alone. All the while through small talk Tony got more and more worried, asking why Ziva wasn't there.

"Boss, is she okay? I mean, she wasn't hurt, right?"

"No, she's fine." Gibbs wasn't quite sure which answer to give him. Truth was, Ziva was pacing back and forth in the hallway, having barely, if at all, forgiven herself for endangering Tony's life and now trying to figure out how to act like a wife. "Today was just a stressful day for her."

Tony nodded, "She thinks it was her fault, right? What happened at the house?"

"She knows it wasn't her fault," McGee answered, "but you know her, stubborn as hell and will beat herself up for it anyway."

"She said she'll be right in, she's coming up now!" Abby smiled brightly at the injured man, still hardly able to wrap her head around Tony's delusion.

The team said their goodbyes and one by one exited the room. Right as Gibbs was about to bring up the rear, Ziva walked in.

"Good morning, Tony," her words were short and curt. "I am glad to see you are… fine." She stayed a few feet from the bed, away from Tony.

"Uh, can you guys give us a second?" Tony cocked his head slightly towards the door. One by one every member of the team, except for Ziva, filed out, each taking one last glance before they exited.

"Remember, this is your mission," Gibbs whispered in Ziva's ear before he departed. She nodded back slightly.

"C'mere, Sweetcheeks," Tony lifted his arm and extended his hand to his _wife_. When she stayed rooted to her spot he let out an exasperated sigh. "Are you mad? Or are you beating yourself up for getting me twenty-four hours at the Bethesda Health and Spa?" He smiled at her slightly, but felt her discomfort. "Zi, what's wrong?"

"Tony," she drew his name out, trying hard to accept this mission but doubting herself too much to lie to him, "I do not think I can do this."

"Do what?" His face and arm fell simultaneously.

_Pretend to be your wife? Lie to you? Allow this stupid doctor to manipulate this entire situation?_ But she couldn't voice any of these thoughts. Instead, she pretended to be someone he wanted her to be right then. And right then she fell into a character of herself, if only for a little while.

"See you like this, and know I caused it." She finally stepped towards him and sat on the edge of his bed, as he moved over to give her room. Her hands stayed firmly in her lap but he reached for them anyway, settling for resting his hand on hers. "It is my fault you are here, that you are in pain."

Tony had already started shaking his head. "I knew you'd be stubborn about this. It's not your fault; if anything it's mine. I should have cleared the room better before even calling you in. I landed myself here. And besides, the pain isn't too bad." He winced as he moved a little too quickly and saw the '_I told you so'_ look on her face. "Okay, so I may not be one hundred percent, but I'm not broken, just bruised." A wicked grin came over his face. "Would you like to kiss it and make it all better?" He tried to pull her towards him and she immediately jumped off the bed and put distance between them. Again there was pain in his face, but this time it wasn't his head hurting. "Zi, what's wrong with you today? What did I do?"

Regaining her composure and reminding herself to go along with the mission she tried to cover her hasty move. "Nothing, Tony, the doctor must have told you about keeping all… excitement… to a minimum, did he not?"

Tony relaxed back into his pillows, hands behind his head. "What do doctors know? A little excitement never hurt anyone."

Ziva just stared at him, unsure what to do with the situation. "I will go and see when you can go home."

"I'll be here," he called as she retreated out the door as if he had the plague (again), "Always… here."

* * *

Two hours later he was in McGee's car on the way to his apartment.

"She's different today." Tony watched Tim fiddle with the radio as he spoke.

"She'll be fine, I'm sure she's just worried about you."

"That's just it, Tim, she's not worried, it's like she's avoiding me. She didn't even want to take me home!"

"Tony, calm down, the doctor says you need to keep _all_ excitement low for the next few days." Tim settled on talk radio, hoping to find a new topic to sidetrack Tony with. "And you heard Gibbs yourself. She needed to fill out all the paperwork about today, not like you're in any state to."

"I guess." Tony merely shrugged but couldn't get over the feeling that there was something more.

The ride was silent back to Tony's apartment with only the occasional comment from Tim talking back to the radio host.

"Well, here we are. I'll walk you up, make sure you don't fall down the stairs and crack that skull open again."

"You're so kind, McJoker, but I think I'll be fine." After a short debate Tony headed up the familiar stairs back to his apartment.

When he walked in he stopped dead in his tracks. His apartment was the same, but lacking so much. Her bookshelf she had moved in was gone. There were no flowers or plants, that she had just bought last weekend. All of her stuff was gone. He rushed to his room and saw that the extra dresser he had with all of her clothes was empty. His closet was full, yes, but it was all of his clothes, all of her things gone. When did she do all of this? Frustration and anger set in. Something wasn't right. He took out his phone and started to dial her number but stopped midway. He needed answers first. His head was spinning. He called Abby. After three rings she answered, music blaring in the background.

"Hello?

"ABBY!"

"Tony?"

"ABBY, TURN OFF THAT MUSIC."

"Oh!" A second later the music was gone, "Sorry, Tony, I forget sometimes. What's wrong, are you okay? Did Tim get you home okay?"

"He got me somewhere but I'm not sure it's home," he paced around his living room, almost frantic. He never knew he could get so emotional so quickly.

"What are you talking about, I thought he was taking you to your apartment?"

"Well, I'm here, but something's wrong."

"Tony, you're scaring me, what's wrong?"

"All of her stuff, Abby, it's gone." There was silence on the line. "You knew that it would be gone, didn't you."

"Tony-"

"No! What the hell is going on? Why is all of her stuff gone? Her books, her clothes, hell she doesn't even have a toothbrush here! What the hell am I not remembering?"

Abby was completely stunned. She didn't even think of this before, and now Tony must be thinking a million thoughts. "Tony, listen, it's not what you think-"

"Yeah, and what am I thinking, huh, Abs? What the hell could possibly make this okay?" He ran his fingers through his hair. "Why is my wife not even LIVING with me? When did she move all of this stuff out?" Whatever Abby said he couldn't hear. His heart was pounding out of his chest and he could hear it thump in his head. "Was this when I was undercover for this past week? Is that what it is? And why she's avoiding me? God, I was only out of contact for a few days and she decides to leave me?" More of Abby's exasperation, but it's growing more faint by the word. "Was anyone going to even TELL me! It's bad enough I'm blown up and hospitalized, my wife is avoiding me and now my team is lying to me, what the hell is going on?" He was nearly screaming at the phone, completely out of breath. His world started spinning until he collapsed on the floor.

"Tony? Tony?" Abby heard a beep of a dropped called and immediately dialed Gibbs.

"Yeah, Gibbs." The special agent had to pull the phone from his ear as soon as he answered. "Abby, slow down, what are you talking about?" Concern in his furrow brow caught Ziva and McGee's attention from across the bullpen. "When did he call you? Okay, we'll be right over, I'm sending a bus right now." He slammed the handset down and grabbed his jacket in one swoop.

"Boss?" McGee stood, poised to grab his gear.

"No," McGee stepped away from the gear. "It's Tony. Abby thinks he's in trouble."

By the time his name left Gibbs' mouth the team was halfway to the elevator, each wondering how this day could get any worse.

**

* * *

**

A/N: Thanks for reading, hopefully the plot bunnies fully return. Sorry for the hiatus, but I joined the Marine Corp and they've kept me plenty busy! But I'm at school now, so I have plenty of time to let the bunnies run free. Please review, tell me what you think. And for the record, I KNOW MAJORITY OF THIS IS MEDICALLY IMPOSSIBLE. But that's what fan fic is for, right? And for those who tried to guess, it was actually a Janeway/Chakotay from Star Trek: Voyager ficlet back in 1998. This is just my twist on it. Again, please review and make a Marine smile! =) Semper Fi.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: Mr. and Mrs. DiNozzo  
****Rating: K  
****Disclaimer: own nothing. The end!**

By the time they reached the apartment, the ambulance had arrived and medics had Tony on a stretcher.  
"What happened?" Gibbs and the team followed as Tony was loaded into the back of the ambulance.  
"Are you family?"  
"I said, what happened," his voice was stern but the medic didn't seem to waiver.  
"Sir, unless you're family I can't-"  
"I'm his father, now answer me I said what happened," the lie came out naturally and the team couldn't help but wonder how big of a smile Tony would have for it.  
"The patient went into a state of shock, we won't know more until we get him to the hospital," this was all said as they moved quickly, ready to close the doors, "Are any of you riding?"  
They all looked at each other and Ziva moved to the front of the group. "I am. I am… his wife."  
The medic raised an eyebrow at the hesitation but moved to let her join them anyway. "The rest of you can meet us there. We're taking him straight to emergency."

The ride there was a lot calmer than Ziva would have expected. Tony was wired to monitors and a light oxygen mask but other than the tubes and wires running from him he looked like he was merely sleeping peacefully.  
_Look what you have gone and done to yourself,_ she thought quietly, then chastised herself for blaming him, when she still felt that, in a way, this was all her fault. Without much thought she took his hand in hers and squeezed gently. Right at that moment his eyes fluttered open.  
His view was foggy, but through it he saw Ziva looking straight at him. His chest tightened, first in excitement and then his mind replayed what he saw at his apartment. He felt her hand on his and he instinctively pulled away, as if she had burned him. His eyes turned dark and saddened as confusion played on her face. His chest turned from giddiness to anger and the heart monitor started to beat rapidly and his breath sped up. And then, as if he were never awake at all his eyes closed and he was back in slumber.

Exiting the private room and back to the waiting area, Ziva was rapidly approached by her teammates.  
"Tony will be fine," she answered before they could ask, "though the doctor said he had stroke-like symptoms; he had overexerted himself somehow at the apartment but will be fine and released after some rest."  
"Why the hell was he left alone at the apartment?" Gibbs turned quickly to McGee who was fumbling for words.  
"Boss, I had just left a few minutes before, I swear. Tony said he was going to go in and lay down, and I figured Abby would be over in a little while anyway…" he trailed off and gave up. "I'm sorry, Boss, I should have stayed with him."  
"Y'think, McGee?" Gibbs didn't wait for a response but instead decided to start looking for the cause. "What happened, anyway?" He turned his gaze to Abby, who seemed to shrink into the background.  
"He called me. He was upset." She took a deep breath, clearly uncomfortable with having to explain the conversation. "He asked me if I knew why all of Ziva's stuff was out of his apartment. He thought that she had left him when he was under cover this week." She didn't look anyone in the eye, embarrassed for explaining Tony's breakdown. "He was freaking out thinking that was why you were being so awkward with him, that you were trying to leave him when he got hurt."

Gibbs exhaled, exasperated, trying to figure out the next plan of attack for the mission.  
"That was why he looked at me the way he did in the ambulance," Ziva seemed to be talking to no one, looking over Gibbs' shoulder towards Tony's room. Knowing they were giving her questioning looks she explained, "He woke up for a few moments, and at first he seemed… happy, to see me there with him. But then… then he pulled his hand away from mine and looked hurt and angry. And a few seconds later he was unconscious again." Her body language was her tell, they could see how uncomfortable she was. "But the way his heart monitor went off, I knew for sure he was having a strong emotional reaction to me being there. I just... didn't know at the time what it was exactly."  
There was silence for a few minutes, each member of Team Gibbs in their own head, trying to think of the best way to fix this.  
"Boss," McGee was the first to speak, "this could be the perfect out. We could tell Tony he had some sort of brain injury and tell him they agreed to separate and work our way back from there. Or even more, actually tell him the truth."  
"But, Tim," Abby spoke almost sadly, "we can't risk him getting that emotional again. Look at how strong of an effect that had on him already."  
"Abby is right," it was Ziva, surprisingly, who agreed. "It had to be in Tony's best interest to go back to what he thought was reality."  
"Okay, so we can't tell him the truth, but how do we cover this one up?" McGee offered a good question, and they all fell back into silence.

Anthony DiNozzo woke slowly, back in the familiar hospital bed. Familiar walls, familiar smell, familiar itchy bed sheets. He tried to shake the fog that clouded his mind but he couldn't get it fully lifted.  
_She left me._ It hit him in the stomach like a punch. _The bookshelf. Her clothes. Everything was gone._ He closed his eyes tightly, trying to remember if he had known or if he had just gotten a bigger blow to the head than he thought. He remembered the day she brought it in to his apartment.

"_Sweetcheeks, I have plenty of bookshelves in here already, do we __**really**__ need another one?" He grinned as she swatted his arm as she walked by, pacing the apartment trying to find the best place for it.  
_"_Of course we do, all of your so-called 'book' shelves are full of movies!" She swung her arm around the room for emphasis. He grinned all the wider, in pride of his collection._

He opened his eyes again to the peach colored ceiling. How long ago was that now? He tried to remember but couldn't put a date on it. He was sure that these slight misconceptions were due to his injury on their latest mission, but it frustrated him all the more. His musings were interrupted by a light rap on the door, and without hesitation, in walked the woman in question.  
"Oh good, you're already awake." Ziva's voice wavered, never a good sign. "I was sure you'd be asleep on me again."  
"No, awake enough I guess." He sat up and straightened his bed sheets. "I'm surprised you're not back at our apartment," she gave him a quizzical look, "isn't that what you do? Wait until I'm gone for a few days to move all of your stuff out?"  
Even though none of it was true and it was all a part of his fantasy world, somehow the words and accusations still stung her. It must have showed because the regret on his face was almost instantaneous. The lies and fabrications were getting thicker and about to get more complex, Ziva wondered how on earth this could be good for his 'psyche'.  
"That is what I am here to talk about." Her voice was even, but quieter than normal.  
"Oh now you want to talk about it? What about before you tried to leave me? Instead you have me come home to-"  
"Tony, calm down, you must not get over excited." She moved towards him but he inched away from her.  
"Don't tell me to calm down! How would you feel if you were in my shoes? One day I have a wife and the next… what are you to me? Seperated? Divorce? Were you even going to _tell_ me?" Ziva took a deep breath and sat on the edge of the bed, trying to keep composure.  
"If you let me explain it will make sense and you will see what an ass you are making of yourself." She looked him directly in the eye, expecting defensiveness but instead saw impatience. "While you were undercover we were afraid your cover had been blown. Since all of my stuff was at your apartment we thought it would be best to make it look like you were living alone. That way they could not trace us both back to NCIS. If they had enough information they would have found us anyway, but if they had just been tailing you, then they would have nothing more than physical evidence against you. So, one night early this week, Abby and I went and moved out all of my stuff back to my old apartment."  
She watched the wheels in Tony's head turn slowly. Sure, it wasn't a perfect lie, but it was the closest she could come to a decent one on such short notice. He seemed to be trying to find flaws in her story, of which there were many but she was hoping he was too tired to question too much, but when she saw his features soften she assumed he had admitted defeat.  
"I was going to have Tim tell you," she ran her hand up and down his forearm lovingly, "but I forgot to remind him to tell you before you went upstairs." He let out a breath and grabbed her hand, pulling her towards him. "You could have just called _me_ and I would have told you all of this." _Well, no, I wouldn't have,_ she thought, _but you definitely would not have passed out on the living room floor, anyway.  
_"I'm sorry, Sweetcheeks," he held her tight and kissed her hair, "you've just been acting so weird all day today and going home to that… I guess with all these meds they have pumping through my veins it made me stop thinking for a little while."  
She chuckled, "When did you think to begin with?"  
He held her tighter and laughed, "Hey there, I think plenty." He breathed in the scent of her, "I thought enough to finally get you to marry me, right?"  
She tensed for a second but forced herself to relax in his arms. "I guess so."  
He pulled away and cupped her face with one hand, "Every day still feels like it's brand new," his words got softer and he leaned in and kissed her. His lips sent a slight shudder through her body, every cell felt hot and then cold all at once. His lips lingered softly on hers and it was the first time a kiss ever literally took her breath away. When he finally broke the kiss he looked her in the eye and smiled his thousand-watt smile. "Every kiss still feels like the first kiss."  
_Oh, if you only knew_, she smiled back, with no words to say.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for following so far, I'm kind of letting my characters run their own path, I kind of like where they're going! Please review, let me know what you think.  
-Semper Fi**


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: First Date  
****Rating: K  
****Disclaimer: own nothing. The end!  
****A/N: Thanks for the lovely reviews! Hopefully this is up to standard. Quick shout out to my lovely beta, Foxtail-Padfoot, for agreeing to beta for me again, even after my long hiatus and her shift towards other fanfics (grrr… haha just kidding... Kind of…), my writing would definitely be a lot more difficult to follow without her!**

Finally back at his apartment, Tony settled into the couch, comfortable for the first time in days.

"So are you gonna sit there and watch the back of my head or do you have plans for this babysitting activity?" Tony playfully teased his friend, but with a hint of irritation nonetheless. Director Vance had ordered at least a week of recuperation for the battered and bruised field agent, and thanks to a relatively light caseload, Gibbs had strongly recommended a rotating shift of babysitters. Timothy McGee was lucky enough to draw the short straw for first watch, and as close as he and Tony had become over the years, he was completely lost as to how to play into his friend's fantasy world.

"As much as your thinning hair amuses me, Tony," McGee walked towards the love seat across from Tony, "no, I don't plan to stare at the back of your head all afternoon."

Tony softly rubbed his hair. "Hey, careful on the hair jabs, McMeany, it comes from all Gibbs' resets throughout the years."

"Riiight," McGee smiled slightly, trying to find that common ground of banter they always so easily had. It was hard with his obvious nervousness but he pushed through. Tony smirked and reached to the coffee table for a beer he had grabbed from the fridge. "Didn't the doctor tell you no alcohol?" He stood and reached to take the can away but stopped short.

"Yeah, yeah," Tony took a short swig, "it's only one, Tim, and it's not like I'm going anywhere." Another short swig. "Grab yourself one, there's a few left in the fridge."

McGee wandered to the kitchen but returned with a soda instead. "I'll stick to my caffeine, thanks." He drank the soda slowly, using it as an aid to buy time instead of sitting there looking foolish. "Well," he started slowly, "Doctor Pitt said it'd be a good idea to run through your memory and make sure you remember fine details, so how about we-"

"No," Tony raised his hand to stop his friend, "if you're going to ask me to recount what happened that day I'm done. I must have said that about a thousand times by now for all that paperwork."

"Actually I was going to avoid that, I was going to ask more about personal and personnel questions."

"Like what, my childhood?" Tony snorted, finding humor in the mock psychiatry. "Well I was a wee little boy when it happened…."

Tim smiled at Tony's words and fake accent, bad as it may be, glad it was there to pull any suspicion away from his following questions. "We can go there if you want, I was going to have you recall more recent stuff."

"Like…" Tony seemed to be completely lost in what Tim was getting at.

"I don't know. When you came to NCIS? No… you told me that already." Tim pretended to search his brain for questions. "You can retell the story of when we first met."

Tony fluttered his eyes mockingly. "Oh, that magical day…"

"Fine, we can avoid that too… How about you and Ziva?" Tim tried to make it sound like the most natural question in the world. "Tell me what you remember about that."

Tony laughed out loud, almost spilling his beer. "That's a loaded question if I ever heard one."

Tim shrugged nonchalantly. "Okay, more specific, tell me… how you finally got Ziva to go out with _you_. Like for your first date." Tony threw a pillow at his friend.

"This sounds so… probing of you, Probie," he raised one eyebrow dramatically, "I know I've told you this before, so are _you _the one who conveniently forgot and you just want to get into my business?"

Chuckling slightly Tim raised his hands in defeat, "Okay, kind of, I can't say I commit every dramatic movement you make to memory." Shaking his head slightly he continued, "But humor me. I'll give you a nice gold star to show Doctor Pitt at your next check up."

Tony was skeptic. He looked at his friend up and down, reading his body language, trying to figure out why he felt… what was the word, uneasy? Confused? He couldn't quite pinpoint, but felt nothing but concern radiating from Tim, so decided to give in.

"Let's see, our _first_ first date, or our final first date? Or our undercover first date?" McGee looked quizzical for a moment and Tony laughed, "See, my memory's fine." He sipped his beer in triumph.

"Your _last_ first date then."

Tony sat back into the seat cushions and let out a comfortable sigh. Staring into nothing he had a small smile playing on his lips.

* * *

"Whatcha doing?" Click clickity click click. No answer. "Finishing up some work, are ya?" Tony stalked around Ziva's desk, leaning over her shoulder just as she closed some windows. "Ooh, Miss David, are we hiding something from your partner now?" Clickity click click. Still no answer. "Or are we just wasting time on the government's dime reading gossip websites?" He leaned over her and tried to take control of her mouse but with ninja-like reflexes she snatched it away.

"If you must ask, Tony," she slowly put the mouse down and turned her chair to face him. In the small space behind her desk he was nearly pinned to the cabinet behind him. He looked down and saw her knees resting right in-between his legs, almost in his own personal bubble. Almost. "I was trying to finalize plans for this weekend, but I was cancelled on." She looked him up and down and saw the slight discomfort and smiled, amused.

"Oh? And who were these plans with?" he tried to keep whatever cool he had left, her being so close. She stood up, and between the file cabinet and the chair behind her knees they were practically nose to nose.

"A friend." She shrugged and slinked away, walking towards the elevator. He fell in step quickly behind her, unsatisfied with the answer.

"A friend, huh? A man friend?" She laughed out loud. "Or a lady friend?" He wiggled his eyebrows at her as she looked at him over her shoulder, entering the elevator. She winked coyly and right before the doors closed he jumped right in. "You're not escaping me that easily, Zeevah."

She hit the ground floor button and they traveled in silence for the first few moments. Seemingly out of nowhere Tony flipped the emergency stop button.

"Tony, what are you-"

"Why don't you tell me about your friends, Ziva?"

Ziva was confused. Trying to read his expression she saw a mix of emotions. Desperation? Confusion? Slight anger and jealousy? She shook her head, not wanting to deal with his game and attempted to start the car again. He blocked the console, repeating his question.

"Really, why can't I meet your friends?" He looked more hurt this time.

"I do not think you would want to meet them…" she drew her sentence out, as if trying to choose her words carefully, avoiding his stare.

"Why is that?" he crossed his arms, trying to stand a little taller, shoulders broad. _He is getting defensive now,_ she thought as she watched his posture change_, This is exactly why, Tony…_

"Because," again, she stressed her word, "you usually do not approve of the friends I choose… the… _man friends_ I keep."

"Oh so it was a boyfriend?"

"I did not say that," she answered quickly.

"Well what other types of friends are there?" He seemed to have his questions ready, as if he had played out the scenario in his mind of how this conversation would go.

"There are friends that are _men_ and friends that are more than that."

"So what am I?" And there it was. The question he really wanted to ask. She stared at him, near frozen. She thought for a second, wondering how she let him lead her into this uncomfortable situation so quickly. After gaping for a moment she turned away from him, facing the elevator doors and answered in a calm, level voice.

"You are neither, Tony." She expected him to walk away. She expected him to leave it be at that, where they had left it so many times, and not push her on the issue. He faced the doors as well and let her hit the switch to move the elevator once more, but didn't let her get away that easy. They walked out of the building in silence, towards the parking garage. As soon as they reached the entrance he started his questions once more.

"Why am I neither? Are you saying I'm not a man?" He tried to keep his tone light, but even without looking him in the eye she knew it was far from humorous.

"No, I am merely saying…" she let her words drift off, so he finished them for her.

"That I'm not your friend." They were only a few cars away from her parking spot and she stopped and looked at him with almost sad, apologetic eyes. She lifted her hand and rested it on his cheek with a soft smile. _You are not my friend,_ she wanted to say. She couldn't get the words out this time. She had said them before, nearly choking on her words. This time she could not lie to him again.

She felt him turn his face slowly into her palm, welcoming the contact, it was then that she lowered her hand and resumed walking, knowing he would not follow.

_How do you tell a man you cannot be his friend, when all you want is something more?_ She repeated this in her mind again and again, never finding a decent answer. Walking to her car she felt a twinge in her chest, knowing that he deserved so much better. Sure, she liked to play games with him, but even she couldn't pinpoint when it stopped being a game and started leading her to want something more. Or maybe there had always been a want, now the reasons just changed.

She shook her head, trying to shake away these thoughts, hoping he would not be there as she drove past. She got in her car and closed her eyes, trying to collect herself. _I cannot believe I am letting __**Tony**__ of all people have this effect on me._ Her thoughts were interrupted with a rap on the window. Surprised, she turned and saw Tony, one arm resting on the car, the other with his knuckles resting on the window, a smile on his face. _Why is he smiling? Did we not just have the same conversation?_ She rolled down her window regardless, how could she not? Before it was even fully down he leaned down and looked her straight in the eyes.

"Have dinner with me?"

_That's not what I was expecting at all._ "What?" She couldn't even attempt to hide her confusion.

"Have dinner with me?" The smile was still there, with a little impish glean.

"Tony… we cannot-"

"Can't what? Have dinner? Why not?" She sighed, faced forward and pursed her lips together, not annoyed, just frustrated that she could not fully explain her thoughts to him. "Listen, I get it, I do-" he waited for her to look at him again, "I'm not your friend, you don't have to say it." She titled her head slightly, a look of remorse playing across her face. "You just told me there are two options. Friend that's a man, or a friend that's more than that, right?" She didn't respond but felt her heart quicken. _This cannot be happening. What the heck is happening? _"That's what I just got out of that conversation, anyway. So, again, I ask you: will you have dinner with me, Ziva?"

* * *

Tim was in between disbelief and pure, outright laughing. "I'm pretty sure you never told me all of that before." Tony shrugged in response, finishing off his drink.

"Can't always make myself look pathetic, right?"

"That's not pathetic at all." _In fact, it sounded almost lifelike,_ Tim thought to himself. "It's… romantic. Must have watched a few movies to get that."

"I'll have you know, McDoubt, that I have a very romantic side _without_ help." Tony smiled inwardly, a nostalgic twinkle in his eye. "Y'know Tim, I really can't imagine what my life would be without her. Sometimes I'm afraid I'll roll over, wake up and realize it was all a dream." Tim paled. "But!" Tony stood up, gather the empty cans, "All's well that ends well, right?" As he walked to the kitchen McGee wondered if keeping up Tony's fantasy was a good idea after all…

**A/N: So it seems like a good handful of you think it was a bad idea to lie to Tony and that Gibbs and the Gibblets wouldn't do it… I'm torn. I think it's a straight 50/50. I know all of them would have some sort of reservation about it, but I can see it playing out. I hope you liked this chapter, let me know where you think it's going, because I think I finally see where the plotline is leading me. (Silly little plot bunnies.) Also, sorry for the delay, I was trying to post this as soon as my beta bounced it back but was being a bit of a pain. All better! Please review.  
-Semper Fidelis.**


	5. Chapter 5

-1**Title: Bleed through the Fog  
Rating: K  
Disclaimer: Still sitting here with just my DVDs. New episode tonight, yay!  
A/N: Quickie to start bridging the gaps.**

_Dear Ziva,  
These days feel like a fog. Something feels so right and yet at the same time like something is missing. Tim just left, and I promised him no drinking and no emotional outbursts so he doesn't get head slapped again. I think I can do that. Instead I'm sitting up, waiting for you to come home. I don't want to bother you at work, so writing made more sense. I remember when you made me write our wedding vows, it felt so weird trying to put words into how I felt about you, but I remember that feeling of contentment after I did, I thought maybe writing one more time would make this fog lift, if even a little. I know you tried to clear the air, but for some reason you still seem to shy away from me. Am I missing something? I really don't mean to end up in the hospital so much. Maybe it was a good idea to invite Dr Pitt to the wedding, I see him enough. (Sorry, I'm trying to keep this from getting too serious. Is it working?)  
This isn't working.  
"I'll bleed my heart on this paper for you, so you can see what I can't say. I'm dying here 'cause I can't say what I want to." I know I stole song lyrics for our vows, but it was fitting. I know you were slightly upset because you thought I was putting my emotions into someone else's words, but I think they mean more right now. Why does all of this feel so weird to me? Some things just… don't feel… right? Real? I can't explain it. Don't get me wrong, Sweetcheeks, I know this love for you is more real than anything I've ever felt before, so don't think I'm questioning that… I don't know what I'm questioning.  
I hear the screeching of your tires so I think you're about a mile away (just kidding), but you'll be coming up those stairs soon. I can't wait to hold you as soon as you walk in. I'll get through this fog, and I know in the end you'll be there with me.  
Signed,  
Sincerely Me_

Tony placed the pen down and folded the paper carefully. After tucking it in an envelope and putting in the coffee table drawer he stood and stretched. Just as the key turned in the lock he turned, smiling through the fog.

**A/N: Definitely a short one, I know! But I figured this would be a good bridge to start. Does he know, does he not? We'll see! Lead me, little plot bunnies! J I have the next chapter more than half done, looks like it'll be a longer one, too!**


	6. Chapter 6

The pacing seemed as if it would never end. Back. Forth. Back. Forth.

Pretty soon there was bound to be a smoothed down pathway in the middle of Abby's lab.

"Ziva, I think you need to take a seat now…" Abby offered her chair hesitantly. Ziva had walked in, thrown her hands up in frustration and started pacing, throwing out random foreign phrases when it suited her. That was about 45 minutes ago. "You're starting to weird me out a little."

"What am I supposed to do here, Abby?" Again with the throwing up of frustrated limbs. "You do realize this is ridiculous, right? I cannot believe we were actually instructed to go along with it!" She shook her head and swore, but finally allowed herself to sit. Abby slowly walked to her side and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "This doesn't feel fair. Not at all."

"Fair? What are you talking about?" A quizzical look was planted on the scientists face as she tried to read Ziva's emotions.

"To Tony. To me. To the team. Everyone! Sure, it's easy for the doctor to say 'yeah, go ahead and try this, see what happens!' when he is not around for the effects!"

"Well…" she started off slowly, "I'm not sure what to tell you, Ziva. But as unfair as it is to all of us, how do you think Tony feels? His mind is stuck in-between reality and make-believe and for us to tell him either way which is right or not could break him."

Though Ziva knew her words were truth she couldn't shake an apprehension she could hardly explain.

"Tell me, what are you afraid of exactly?"

"Afraid of?" Ziva scoffed at the question, "I am not afraid of this."

"Okay, worried about then. Something is holding you back and it doesn't seem all too difficult to understand."

It was Ziva's turn to cock her head in confusion. "Well if it is so clear, please tell me."

"Oh no," Abby had a smile playing across her lips, "this is something you need to realize for yourself."

…

She took her time walking up the steps to _their _apartment. With a deep breath she turned the doorknob and took her first step into this dream of Tony's. _He dreams of being married to me…_ she shook the thought away, placing her keys on the table next to the door. She looked up just in time to see him sealing an envelope tenderly and slipping it in the desk drawer. He didn't seem to have heard her walk in.

"Tony," she got his attention softly. He turned, surprised, but as soon as he saw it was her he lit up.

"Hey!" He got up quickly and made his way to her. "I thought I heard you run a few stop lights a few seconds ago," he teased. She smiled softly, her body language screaming her discomfort. He walked up to her and opened his arms. She hesitated a minute before she stepped into him. He wrapped her arms around her tightly, her arms resting around his waist. "It's felt like forever since I've held you," he almost whispered. She said nothing as she felt him kiss her hair softly. She breathed him in, smelling a mix of light cologne and his natural scent.

"I'm sorry I am late, I got caught up talking to Abby." She waited for him to pull away, but his arms stayed around her. She stepped away from him and as soon as he released her she felt cold, like something was missing. "How are you feeling today?" She walked towards the living room, noting how clean everything was for a change. He must have gotten bored waiting.

"Good! Better, definitely better…" he watched her sit down on one end of the sofa and he sat on the other end, kicking his feet up on the coffee table. He immediately took them off, and looked at her as if he was caught. "Sorry, I know you're always yelling at me not to do that." She cocked her head with a slight smile, amused at how specific his fantasy is. "How was your day?"

She rolled her eyes sighed slightly, unable to express to him her frustration. "Barely tolerable. There is a lot of paperwork to finish up for this case…" she turned to look at him and saw him staring at her, as if he were just studying her. "What?" He grinned back at her, with that lop sided smile as if he were hiding his own little secret.

"You're beautiful." She blushed. He said it so matter-of-fact, as if he said it every day. Well, maybe he did, just not to her. "C'mere," he laid back, with his back on the armrest, arms open inviting her to lay with him.

She bit her lip slightly as she moved towards him. _This isn't fair;_ she repeated to herself, _I need to tell him…_ She mentally shook the thought; _the doctor said this is what has to be done, even Ducky agreed with him._ She lay with her back to his chest, and felt him move slightly to get comfortable. His arms wrapped around her and rested on each other on her stomach. She rested her hands on his. _I hope we're okay after he remembers…_

She rationalized that her fear isn't this current moment, but how Tony will feel when he remembers the truth and reflects on her, and the rest of the team, going along with his fantasy. This personal, secret dream of his. _Somewhere in his mind he wants this, yes?_ She then realized he had spoken to her.

"I am sorry, Tony, my mind started to wander." He chuckled at her.

"I said McGee made me tell him about when I first bit the bullet and sweet-talked you into going on a date with me." She laughed a hearty laugh, mentally making a note to have McGee retell her, then regretted it and told herself to swear him to secrecy instead. "But its okay," he said with pride in his voice, "since I told him he said he'd give me a gold star."

"Oh, Tony," she shook her head, "you are such salami."

"Salami? I'm going to guess ham."

"Yes," she rolled eyes, thinking she was finally remembering all of these confusing idioms, "you are such a ham." He tightened his arms around him, breathing deeply.

"Yes, but I'm your ham, so it's worth it to see you smile."

She snuggled in closer to him, pushing away the guilt she felt for letting herself take advantage of his fantasy for her comfort. "What made you ask me out?" The words rushed out of her before she could stop them.

"After all this time, and now you're questioning me?" He shrugged, "well I'm glad it took so long." He chuckled and kissed her temple. "This seems like the second loaded question I've gotten today."

"If you do not want to answer-"

"No, it's fine. Question and answer time is good." He thought for a moment, trying to remember what actually broke the camel's back that night. He remembered the conversation, but in the end he always chalked it up to a now-or-never moment. "I guess I got scared."

"Scared?" He felt her head turn slightly towards him, a glance of confusion on her face.

"Scared to let you walk away one more time. I was afraid that one day you'd walk away and just not come back. And what was the worst that could happen? I was afraid of you not coming back, and if you told me no, you wouldn't come back… So logically the odds were in my favor."

"I'm not sure that is how probabilities work, Tony. Or logic for that matter…"

"Hush, it worked out in my mind. Anyway. That night you turned to walk away from me in the parking garage, telling me pretty much that I wasn't a man or a man that was your friend; I had this flash of you going out to meet some other guy. You going out to dinner and a movie with someone that wasn't me. And I realized I couldn't picture you with someone else. Literally, in my mind, the guy had no face," he laughed a little, pausing as he thought, "and I thought, _What if it's me?_ I had already known at that point how I felt about you. I knew when I looked towards my future I couldn't see anyone else beside me. I thought _what if it's you?_ And I knew that if I ever got to hold you, I'd never let go, but then… if I never got the chance to, I would never know. So I took a chance."

"So that night, the night I was cancelled on and you followed me to the parking garage, you had decided everything."

"Yeah, sort of," he rested his head, suddenly growing tired, dozing off with the comfort of her body warmth. "And between you and me, I'm glad whoever that 'he' was cancelled." Ziva's mind raced and she felt his breathing fall rhythmically into a pattern of sleep. She remembered that night.

It wasn't the first time they had the same conversation. She had told him before that he was not her friend, and though it hurt her to lie to him, she saw it as slight truth. She made herself try to keep him at arm's length in serious moments like that, hoping to protect herself.

_"There are friends that are men and friends that are more than that… You are neither, Tony."_

She had hoped he would drop it as they exited the elevator. She hoped he would drop it when he didn't say another word and they walked towards her car in silence. He put his hand on her shoulder and stopped her, turning her towards him. She looked into his eyes, which had confusion and a small showing of hope left in them. He searched her face for any hint of an expression. She did her best to show none.

_"…I'm not your friend." He said it as matter-of-fact. It was deadpan. Worst of all, it was said with hurt. He put his hands in his pockets, suddenly looking smaller than he was. He shrugged slightly, as if to shrug off his own words. She raised her hand and gently cupped his cheek. She felt him turn his face slowly into her palm, welcoming the contact. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. She dropped her hand and started to pull her keys from her pocket awkwardly. He pursed his lips and nodded slightly. "Have a good night, Ziva." He turned on his heel and walked away._

She remembered regretting him walking away immediately. She regretted letting him walk away. She should have said something different. She should have done something different. The following days he forced a smile when they were together. He stopped the teasing and the banter, which worried her. But a few days after their conversation he slowly started to act normal towards her again. Back then she had assumed it was a typical reaction; he had needed time to regroup and recover. Now she could see that it was a turning point in her partner's feelings.

She got up carefully, trying not to wake him. She saw him shift, reaching for the warmth that was now missing. She grabbed a blanket on the loveseat nearby and draped it over him softly. She watched him sleep for a moment, wondering if he was living his dream when he was awake, what did he think of as he slept?

_Is this how life would have gone, _she mused as she walked to the kitchen, _is this how it would have played out, had I not let him walk away…?_


End file.
